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Self Love! A Reflection by Debra

Guest Writer: Debra Floyd

It is what I am learning to be, do and accept.. Me. 

So often, we as women, just do not think of ourselves first, or so often, not at all.  One of the songs in my movement class is entitled  “Self Love”.  It speaks to how we give so much to others, sending much love out into the world, and not LOVEing  ourselves. 

“You give everybody else love but you never give

Yourself love don't forget about your self love, self love”

The women in my classes love this song as I work to match our movements with the lyrics and hugging ourselves.  When was the last time you gave yourself a hug?  How about this one. Have you ever just stopped and looked at your self in the mirror and said, “I love ya girl?”  Another tough one, I know.

I got the phone call to “come now”  in 2008 my mother was dying. I was living in Washington, DC and she was in Gary, Indiana. I caught the next flight out, arrived in Chicago, rented a car and headed directly to the hospital.  There was mom, in what appeared to be a coma with absolutely no hair. To this day, I will always believe she could hear me say to her how much I loved her and that it was okay to go home and be with her sister and parents. 

I remember saying to myself, “where did her hair go?”  I just saw her in May, and yes, there was hair loss happening, and now it is September.  Genetic hair loss is a real thing for all the women in my family, so I knew that it was going to include me. I had begun losing my eyebrows and my hair line was starting to recede.

Fast forward to 2020. Each day when I look in the mirror and try another temporary solution to slow the hairline loss, I see my mother. I see my own aging process, and that makes me nervous.

Why I ask myself? Why do I feel this way when I know I am so much more than just my hair and eyebrows? Why can I not accept the changes that are happening and LOVE me?  I felt something was missing. 

It was not simply a lack of self love, but it was not recognizing my mom, too, was more than her hair. She was ambitious - seeking out a higher paying job rather than being executive secretary to the mayor of Gary. She was brave-becoming a Deputy Sheriff in Indiana at a time when Black women just did not do that. She was kind- always willing to help those in need. Even though I did not grow up with her, she was still my mother and a very powerful woman in her own right.  In her own way, she loved me, we loved each other and that is what needs to be remembered and focused on, not the hair loss issue.

Truth is, I can look in the mirror today with penciled in eyebrows and curly hair and STILL see her amazing face!  I am proud of that. There will be days that I do not put on eyebrows, pull my hair back and see my shiny forehead, and I am proud of that. Have I fully arrived? Heck no, but it feels so much better and that is progress.

What are you working to feel proud about? What are you working to overcome? 


“You give everybody else love but you never give

Yourself love don't forget about your self love, self love”

About Debra: 

Debra K. Floyd believes that "Dance, creative movement-whatever one wants to name it-is an integral part of our everyday life." Spanning over 40+ years, Debra's career as a dance artist has presented her with opportunities to perform, choreograph, and teach all over the United States as well as internationally. She has worked in Washington, D.C., New York, Chicago, Oakland, Los Angeles, and San Francisco; her experience abroad covers Paris, France; Martinique, Caribbean; and Havana, Cuba. 

Debra teaches Cardio&Dance at the on her newly created Zoom dance studio and for Seber Method Academy in Washington, DC. Debra also choreograhs for the Gallaudet University Dance Company, and directs senior fitness programs at several DC locations. In addition to running her e-Commerce, health and wellness business, RDFloyd Marketing International, she also conducts workshops and master classes, coaches other dance companies and dance professionals, and provides technique development training for teen and adult students. 

Instagram: @deb1320

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